pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
