Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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