sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
