he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
