and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize