What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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