My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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