Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
