I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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