look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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