ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Drunk is not a location!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
