are you so shy because you have an std?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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