Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
