he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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