I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
