I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
