I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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