I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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