I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
