Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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