what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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