as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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