we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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