batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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