It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
