I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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