Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
