one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize