I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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