you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think a kid would responsible me up
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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