Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
