I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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