??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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