You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
