our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
