I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
