Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
