After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
