If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
