apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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