once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do you have feelings for this penis?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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