I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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