Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
