Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
