Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
