so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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