forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
