i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
