meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
