someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
