Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
