I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Boobs are out for the taking
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I love you. Go after that dick
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
