Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's never too late to be topless.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
