im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
