I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
