And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
