Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
