I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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