Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
