We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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