dude i'm inner monologue high
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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