fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
