Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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