if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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