Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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